Dear People of the Gym

• Dear incredibly skinny girl who I see every day doing the exact same workout on the elliptical: I assume you want to lose imaginary weight but there are other things you could try at the gym beside the same machine for the same amount of time at the same intensity. Also, go eat some fried chicken, you look like a slight breeze would knock you over.

• Dear "pretty girls" of the gym: someone has to explain to me how midriff-bearing shirts, booty shorts, a full face of makeup, and hair down is comfortable when trying to work out. Are you here to find a boyfriend or to get a good sweat on? P.S. Your mascara is running.

• Dear guy trying to intimidate me out of using my machine: bitch, I can lift too! And yes, I know what a set and a rep is.

• Dear people of the gym overall: guys, meet cardio. Ladies, meet weight training. Enough said.

• Dear muscleheads at the gym: LOLOLOL at your muscle shirts, grunting, and overall attempt to be badass. Problem is, when I see your skinny little legs and your giant upper body, you just look hilarious.

• Dear guys who try lifting that giant bar above your heads like at the Olympics (I clearly don't know the technical name): stop dropping it so loudly. It feels like the gym is collapsing and the apocalypse-like feeling it gives me is not motivation to run faster on my treadmill or lift heavier on my machine.

• Dear people of the gym: I can clearly see when you're lifting more than you can handle. I'll continue finishing my sets and slowly building up my ability to lift heavier, you continue to live on the edge and risk dropping those 100lbs on yourself and enjoy cracked ribs/broken back/various other problems.

• Dear chubby/seasonally plump all year round/curvacious/larger people: believe it or not, you keep me motivated. I see you working hard and you make me push myself a little harder. (What, I can say nice things too!)