Sometimes (in my head of course), I catch myself asking, "Is this real life?" in the same voice as David at the dentist. And also, "Am I gonna be like this FOREVER?"
Basically, that video is the story of my (and many of my friends') love life. How are such amazing people still single? For instance, one of my friends is this gorgeous and vivacious girl,
incredibly smart and funny. Yet she's never had a date. How is this
possible??!! Another one of my friends is this great guy who is actually
looking for a serious relationship (I thought those guys were a myth
until I met him), yet he can't seem to find a mentally stable girl. It hit me that maybe we don't all find someone. Or it takes forever.
.... aaaaaand that's where I hit my five stages of grieving while dating.
1. Denial
I just haven't met the right person.
I'm sure he's right around the corner.
It's because I'm not trying to find someone. When I decide I'm ready, it'll just happen really fast, you'll see.
I've used all those lines (and many more) on myself. But I could never quite fool myself, and I quickly exited this stage.
2. Anger
UGH MEN.
I spent many, many months here in stage 2. What's wrong with them, why are they such jerks, why, why, whyyyyyyyyyy meeeeeeeeee.
I feel this would have been a great time to take up an angry sport like kickboxing or roller derby.
I also don't know how I managed to retain my male friends during this time. I think it went a lot like, "UGH MEN. I hate them. They're so [extremely rude generalization of some sort]. ......but not you, of course."
It was hard to step out of anger. And I won't deny I sometimes revisit this stage. You can't help getting frustrated when things don't work out, or you simply can't seem to find a decent guy to try to start something up with.
3. Bargaining
Here I feel like this stage is composed of many mini-stages. Fortunately (for you), I went through it, so let's break it down.
First, you plead with your mind/God/whatever else. "I'm willing to not ever find my perfect home, just PLEASE send me a boyfriend!"
Then, you rationalize that you just need one good relationship. If you could please just have someone now, you'd be ok with the fact that it wouldn't last more than a year. Cause at least that's one year happy, right? ....no.
What happens after is dark. Really dark. You sink to rock bottom and you think, "hey, I'm gonna settle!" Settling. The word alone makes me shiver. You start to doubt yourself and the standards you had set, and you lower them. And you go lower, and lower, and lower, and loooooooowwwwwer. It's bad. Because things aren't any better with the loser men you now date at this point.
4. Depression
This is where you end up after said losers. My time here was mostly composed of a lot of cake, chocolate, and watching The Notebook and other tortured love stories on a loop. Because nothing else worked and at least chocolate wouldn't stand me up or make me cry. But this stage is BAD. You let yourself go, your hair isn't shiny anymore, and you wear a lot of plain tee shirts and sweatpants. So not okay. Yet when you go through it, you can't help it! It's the mindset of "why bother?" I think it's a slippery slope to ending up obese with acne and no friends. Fortunately I snapped out of it. And by that I mean that my DVD of Love Story broke, so I had to give up and move on.
5. Acceptance
I think after a certain amount of time, you just kinda shrug it off and realize that whether you search actively or you go about your life normally, it's just not up to you. You find the right person when you find them, and in the meantime you might as well live normally. OR you will in fact end up alone and you may as well prepare for it. And that is why I adopted Florence, the first of 20 cats I will one day probably own. And that is just A-OK.
So, my fantastic single friends everywhere, I say cry. Eat cake. Bargain. Even settle for a while if you must. It is perfectly fine for you to go through these stages. As long as you, like me, arrive at the conclusion that you are fantastic and that a relationship more or less isn't gonna change that.
You're so true.
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